Marriage Minute with Alan Heller – Expectations Take a Break


When things become overheated in a discussion it’s helpful to take a break. We call this contracting for time. We make an appointment just like you would for a doctor or dentist. But rather an appointment with your doctor, this appointment is with your spouse or the person you are talking with. This break gives you some time to get your emotions under control and be aware of what the real issue is.
Before an overheated discussion, you need to set a specific time when you will take a break Maybe it is twenty minutes, maybe a half hour, or an hour. For some, it may be let’s talk about it tomorrow.
We decide whose issue is it. We specifically state what the issue is. We make a time and place. This is very important because not all places even in your home are conducive to talking meaningfully.

Here are the major aspects to consider when you need to take a break:

  • A time
  • A place
  • Whose issue
  • When
  • Where

Watch this week’s Marriage Minute to get a better idea of how to effectively take a break.

It’s also important to agree to use the skills that we teach. For more information on this simply order our Communication Connection Book
Let us know how it works for you in the comments. Many people who have gone to our workshops have said it is very helpful to “take a break” and think about these things: 
  • How you think
  • How you feel
  • What you want
  • The action you will take
  • And ask God to help you see this issue from His perspective.
Ephesians 4:29
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. NIV

Edify for the need of the moment according to their needs. Try it.


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